A data point I recollect is that there are more women on FB than men. As I start this blog something tells me that it will evoke strong reactions from this majority. But then you write on something you feel strongly about.
It all started with a simple question in our small group of 4 over a drink at our favourite haunt – If you were born again what would you like to be born as ? And one of the 4 mentioned without a blink – “A Housewife in our Building Complex”
He explained – If you have 2 – 4 maids , a driver , unlimited spending power on your credit card , a few hrs in the gym every day , a private trainer , an evening walk with some tasty gossip, a weekly visit to the Spa , a party & a movie every fortnight, and a lovely group of friends who at 40+ dress and act like they are 30+, thats the lifestyle you would kill for. (That is the lifestyle of many a women in the top 50 apartment complexes of Bangalore, NCR , Mumbai ….. )
How has life changed for women in the last 30 years ? At least for some of them thankfully.
Life has indeed changed – there was a time 30 years back without Maids , Mixies, Washing Machines – you cut the veggies, cooked , cleaned , washed clothes , ironed them , stitched clothes, made pickles & chips and still had time & energy to make the weekly sweets.
Circa 2013 – it’s now hard work to store the stacked & ironed clothes the laundryman delivers at home.
Life has indeed changed – 30 years back a school project for Kids meant poring thru books & encyclopedias hunting for the answer and that elusive picture in some magazine.
Today its all available at a click of a button – thanks to Google.
Life has indeed changed – as family & friends descended unexpectedly ( no Phone / no SMS) you managed to put together a great meal with whatever you had at home.
Today you call the restaurant next door.
As I made this argument to two women – I got bashed up. The arguments were emotional (without data) – the key thing I grasped was “Look at the pressure we go thru. We have to go to the school to meet the teacher (once a year) , take care of buying all the grocery & vegetables, manage the maids, pay all the bills online “There is so much of work and so much of pressure – 30 years back our mothers did not have to do all this ?
I rest my case – and I say enjoy it, you have earned it , but appreciate it and say – Thank You God once a day.
Because as my friend said ” We would all love to be reborn as a housewife in our building”
Great One VAK, was searching for this great video Sandeep had once shared to re-share with my husband, when I came across this.
I for one have always considered the home-makers’ life the best. With and without the gadgets of help and frustrations (when the mixer grinder stops working the morning of the big dinner, hand grinding is twice as painful because of the self expectation setting at the begging of the day). The home makers also have the pleasure of watching their children grow, share their best times and small things that go un-noticed by working moms and dads. Sadly the schools and creches get these treasures.
The poor working wife has struggles of a different kind. The decision and need to work do not take away from the expectation of miraculously ensuring perfect homes, perfect children, great edu. results with the fat 8 figure monthly salary.
The children study results, career future, maids/house help, bills, fresh and now organic food, healthy food habits, career results, husband’s health, care and well being, respect and love from family and friends, time and effort of friends’ entertainment has only added up with a double star increment as more is expected, almost as if one is atoning for the sin of considering a career, However mild.
Restaurant options are OK if not working, but a sin if one is. The favourite dialogue is “well you work, so you can’t manage, even if its unhealthy at least there is some thing to eat”.
If you work, the topper child is to be expected (some telepathic means of transfer of adult intelligence), if you don’t work its OK to have a mediocre child. if the child does not do well, you are berated for the poor results which are because of your ‘work’.
If you don’t do well at work, family is twice as hard as the boss ever was. If you do well, the entire family has a heart attack and you are treated as the plague. Suddenly, nothing that is wrong is sentenced as wrong and failed. Facts that din’t exist suddenly appear and are slapped on your face – “see, this is what happens when women don’t pay attention to their homes and are career oriented”. Whatever ‘this’ is, is a mystery. Nothing has gone wrong. No one is responsible if the child does’nt like the neighbour’s kid, or fails to show an interest in religion or the second language or skating. Or because the maid got married and left work. Or the guard does not help with the groceries bags any more. But one is told, its all because of the 5 on 5 rating in the assessment. The working wife is too ambitious and career oriented and does not care of the house.