Do you recollect the last time you gave or got a nice,warm HUG. It feels so good. A smile can be phony, a handshake can be cold & official and a Namaste can be very artificial – but a HUG has all the positive connotations around it. You HUG only your dear & loved ones. Now you know why people like Mata Amritanandamayi have established a successful spiritual business based on HUG therapy.
So if you havent got a HUG in a long time what does it say …….
The 40’s are a worrying age. Its not just receding hairline, less energy (the mind says run faster , the body doesnt respond), and in some cases a pot belly – but there is a lot more to it. The 20 year olds think you are vintage ( and we were the Tech generation !), you realise that you missed the bus to being a Bill Gates and in many cases the brash young country manager in office is younger than you. Employees in the mid 45 – 50 age group are being retrenched like ninepins ( you see that as a status update in Linked in when the status suddenly becomes “Consultant”). The Home Loans never end and the investments are not even beating inflation. All the kids in the neighbourhood are doing their higher studies abroad and you suddenly realise that you never planned for that for your children and its only 5 years away.
So lets look at a typical scenario of what happens when a man walks home after a long day in office , followed by a few hrs in the gym. Its around 8.30 – 9 PM , you use your own key to enter the house. Your son / daughter is busy with the iPad or watching TV or reading a book , Wife is on the computer or preparing for work the next day, there is luke warm food on the table ( Its better than the cold food that the angy wife throws at her husband in the Indigo Ad). You are so hungry after the Gym – that you eat ( and you no longer grumble of salt being less or the food being too spicy) , take a bath and coax the kids or the wife to let go of the TV remote so you can watch the news for 30 min. Even with 2 TV’s at home you struggle to get some TV time (Not that you are missing anything great).
I am scared of dogs and have alwys kept a safe distance from them. But when I see my friends dog it gives me rare joy. The guy comes jumping at you as if he is meeting you after ten years. He slothers you with his wet kisses and showers you with love and affection. He does that not just to the family he belongs to but to everyone who rings the bell. It is indeed amazing to see how an animal can shower so much love on anyone.
A few years back the kids when they were 4 – 5 years old would have come running at you like this when you rang the bell. But as they become teenagers they are in a world of their own.
Men are by nature lonely. Most people don’t realize this. Women operate in packs. A Kitty party or a 40 year b’day bash there will be at least 15 – 20 of them in a group. Men are loners – the only warm buddies they had were school friends who are now all over the place. The mens group is nothing but a convenient bunch of 3 – 4 people to play golf or share a drink over a weekend. The topics of discussion are also pretty mundane – real estate , investments, work , inflation , politics and the always in planning group visit to Thailand which never seems to materialize.
I have seen FB updates from women talking about the multiple roles they play – Mother , teacher , nurse , cook, professional , maid …… . But if you draw the list for men its a lot longer – Professional at work and in most cases lead breadwinner, finance guy , tax guy, plumber, electrician , gardener , driver, tour planner ….. the list can go on and on. So guys for once glorify the man in the house – he needs an emotional connect too. (Yes we all grew up being told men cant be emotional)
So mothers & children – coming to the crux of the matter – the next time you see your man come home after a long day’s work, jump at him like the dog next door and do give him that elusive HUG which he so desperately needs.